The key to confidence

Put your snorkel on guys, this ones about to get deep.

My cousin, Laura, is just a month and 2 days younger than me (which I like to rub in her face haha). So, as you can imagine, growing up we were very close, especially because we only lived a couple of streets away from each other.

I was the loud, confident, super smiley one and she was seen as the shy, quiet and introverted one. The best way to depict this for you would be to compare our birthday parties. Every February I'd rock up to her party, on my own and end up leaving with 5 new best friends! However every January Laura would bring 2/3 of her friends along and either stick with them or her mom for the whole of the afternoon.

We stuck to these roles from the ages of 2 (or whenever you develop a personality) until about 13. And at 13 we switched, entirely. Laura became this loud, confident, big personality and I became an insecure, unsure version of myself, known to most as "Laura O'Grady's cousin". I can't pinpoint exactly what caused the change for Laura, however I know exactly what caused my major personality shift.

What I consider to be the worst year of my life, consisted of losing two close family members, as well as all but one of my friends. The events, although completely unrelated, all impacted my year and my life in a huge way. The loss of my dog, Sammy (who had been a part of my family for just under 13 years) and then the loss of my grandad just a few months later had both knocked me off my feet slightly, feeling quite a lot of emptiness, all quite suddenly. And then, just two weeks before the summer holidays I had a huge falling out with all of my friends.

The 8 weeks of loneliness with not even Sammy to cuddle when everything got a bit too much, turned me into a shell of myself; my confidence completely gone, taking my smile away with it.

I had one friend who stuck by me throughout this and I will never know quite how to thank him and I don't think he'll ever know quite how much he did for me or how much he meant to me, throughout our friendship, that summer especially.

At that point in my life all I wanted was my friends back, regardless of how I had been treated, I just didn't want to be lonely anymore. 

A few weeks into the first term of year 10, I got my wish, I managed rekindle the friendships with my old group, and I was happy again. However looking back now, I'm not happy with the person I was; I was nasty, bitchy, unwelcoming and judgemental.

I'm completely overcome with shame whenever anyone brings up my past, because I am not a bad person and I know that now. It took a further two years for me to realise this and get in with a new group of friends. For those two years I was still extremely self conscious, unconfident and unhappy. I was reluctant to join teams, clubs or start anything new, in fear of being judged.

If you saw me today and knew nothing about my past, I honestly think that you would have no idea I had been through such a rough patch. Although I used to resent my old friends for making me feel so low, in hindsight I think that it has made me into a better person, someone that I can be proud of. I found my smile again and my confidence is greater than it ever was before! 

It may not seem like much, but I often get compliments at work, from the customers, on how nice it is to be served by someone so happy, and that honestly fills me with joy. I love the fact that I have made someone else happy, just by being happy in myself.

So happy in my own skin, I'm a much happier person now than ever before and I think that is the key to being happy and confident in yourself, you have to be your own #1 fan! Just sit back and take a second to think about all the good you do for yourself and for others, whether it's serving a customer with a smile or hugging your friend when their upset or telling your mom that you love her. The key to gaining confidence, I believe, is making everything you do count towards someones happiness. 

Try it out. Wear a beaming smile all day long and see what good things come to you and what happiness you bring to others!

I am sure that so many others have been through stages just like this in their lives, where they have completely lost themselves. This post is a story of my journey and proof that with every down there is an up and that every cloud has a silver lining. I am extremely grateful for my family and friends that helped me through that year and I'm also so proud of my own strength, for knowing that everything was going to be okay and for never giving up.

If something ever goes wrong in your life and you cannot, for the sake of you, find anything positive, just know that it's coming and remember that, as horrible as it may be, once you reach rock bottom, you can only go up from there.

Thank you so much for letting me share this with you guys and gals, if you can relate to this I hope I have helped in someway :) Remember that if you keep smiling, only good things can come your way!

Love Rosie x